Vingessrigsitqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unselfish newt.

Vingessrigsitqueeg created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vingessrigsitqueeg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vingessrigsitqueeg, she will turn you into a snail.

Vingessrigsitqueeg's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Vingessrigsitqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about birds.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Always help dolphins in need.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never wear turquoise corsets.