Motcinmid is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless bear.

Motcinmid created tapeworms seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Motcinmid, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Motcinmid, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Motcinmid's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Motcinmid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Motcinmid.

3. Do not take Motcinmid's name in vain.

4. Never laugh in the presence of squirrels.

5. Never go into purple rooms.