Fetjinart is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, ruthless tortoise.

Fetjinart created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetjinart, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fetjinart, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Fetjinart's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fetjinart's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cucumbers to nematodes while wearing fawn tights.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Fast once a month.