Kenlistpang is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, competent whale.

Kenlistpang created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kenlistpang, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kenlistpang, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Kenlistpang's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Kenlistpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not keep four aardvarks in a large pit.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Do not commit murder.