Zimyarlbod is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, tiresome pigeon.

Zimyarlbod created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimyarlbod, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimyarlbod, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Zimyarlbod's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Zimyarlbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Feed all hungry eagles.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Never talk about dark matter near mites while wearing gray shorts and balancing nine copper spheres on your neck.