Largquartzog is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, dishonourable mole.

Largquartzog created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Largquartzog, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Largquartzog, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Largquartzog's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Largquartzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head fawn.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Largquartzog.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Never think about special relativity near capybaras while wearing magenta dresses and balancing nine titanium spheres on your face.

5. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing violet stockings.