Lagyamgat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, strong beaver.

Lagyamgat created gold three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagyamgat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagyamgat, he will be mildly annoyed.

Lagyamgat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lagyamgat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Lagyamgat on top of all buildings.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.