Hapwotsitbass is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, impressive dugong.

Hapwotsitbass created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapwotsitbass, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hapwotsitbass, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hapwotsitbass' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Hapwotsitbass' Holy Commandments

1. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never think about special relativity near birds while wearing magenta coats and balancing four iron spheres on your feet.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.