Butsigjig Dimvonton is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, selfish shark.

Butsigjig Dimvonton created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Butsigjig Dimvonton, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Butsigjig Dimvonton, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Butsigjig Dimvonton's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Butsigjig Dimvonton's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near grasshopers while wearing violet shorts and balancing three titanium spheres on your feet.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.