Basstonktab Janlegdiss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous scorpion.

Basstonktab Janlegdiss created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Basstonktab Janlegdiss, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Basstonktab Janlegdiss, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Basstonktab Janlegdiss' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Basstonktab Janlegdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of tomatoes to cats while wearing turquoise stockings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about gravity near ducks while wearing cyan trousers and balancing three carbon spheres on your arms.

5. Erect six iron sculptures of Basstonktab Janlegdiss on top of important buildings.