Fempinlim is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, contented hummingbird.

Fempinlim created oxygen three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fempinlim, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fempinlim, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Fempinlim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fempinlim's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Always help sick badgers.