Dumquafjap is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying mouse.

Dumquafjap created an electron two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dumquafjap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dumquafjap, it will be very unhappy.

Dumquafjap's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Dumquafjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dumquafjap.

3. Do not hop in public.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Fast once a month.