Futtettivedcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, compassionate meerkat.

Futtettivedcuss created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Futtettivedcuss, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Futtettivedcuss, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Futtettivedcuss' most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Futtettivedcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five gulls approach from the south.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always help turtles.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.