Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, happy turtle.

Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem created an electron nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never feed lots of gooseberries to whales while wearing blue jumpers.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Tettijopfitjopvondod Monvangem in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.