Flabcebbun is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, conceited bear.

Flabcebbun created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabcebbun, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flabcebbun, it will turn you into a goat.

Flabcebbun's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Flabcebbun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Never talk about dark energy near sheep while wearing gray shoes and balancing seven zinc spheres on your head.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not listen to music.