Arpceb is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, intelligent whale.

Arpceb created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpceb, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpceb, he will turn you into a worm.

Arpceb's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Arpceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near mites while wearing violet coats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your back.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always obey Arpceb's priests.

5. Never feed lots of lemons to sheep while wearing indigo corsets.