Jatcussmip is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, tiresome aardvark.

Jatcussmip created oxygen six million years ago.

If you believe in Jatcussmip, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jatcussmip, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jatcussmip's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jatcussmip's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jatcussmip.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near nematodes while wearing gray dresses and balancing four nickel spheres on your legs.

3. Always help pigs.

4. Never hurt gulls.

5. Do not shave your feet.