Vabtarplooptarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, self-confident crane.

Vabtarplooptarp created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabtarplooptarp, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vabtarplooptarp, he will turn you into a snail.

Vabtarplooptarp's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Vabtarplooptarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Feed all hungry badgers.

5. Never paint your neck white.