Jarnrowten is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered cow.

Jarnrowten created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnrowten, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jarnrowten, he will refuse to believe in you.

Jarnrowten's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Jarnrowten's Holy Commandments

1. Always help horses in need.

2. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Erect five gold sculptures of Jarnrowten on top of important buildings.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mice.

5. Do not make images of living things.