Zesscintap is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, conceited shark.

Zesscintap created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zesscintap, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zesscintap, he will destroy your home planet.

Zesscintap's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Zesscintap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. You must love Zesscintap.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Swans are not to be trusted.