Hinrilgep is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, happy dog.

Hinrilgep created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hinrilgep, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hinrilgep, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hinrilgep's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Hinrilgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt seals.

2. Hinrilgep must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never talk about dark matter near otters while wearing pink tights and balancing five silver spheres on your neck.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.

5. Never wear shoes.