Taillopkan is a god.

She takes the form of a large, compassionate dugong.

Taillopkan created silver seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Taillopkan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Taillopkan, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Taillopkan's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Taillopkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Taillopkan's name in vain.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Taillopkan loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.