Goftettitam is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, all-knowing bird.

Goftettitam created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Goftettitam, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Goftettitam, she will not invite you to parties.

Goftettitam's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Goftettitam's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear black.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always look after injured swans.

4. Do not take Goftettitam's name in vain.

5. Never eat bark.