Fatjinbem is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, self-assured hippopotamus.

Fatjinbem created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatjinbem, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fatjinbem, he will turn you into a puffin.

Fatjinbem's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Fatjinbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Run away from cyan rats, for they are unholy.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.