Lakwikpang is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, capable hamster.

Lakwikpang created the Whirlpool Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakwikpang, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lakwikpang, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lakwikpang's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Lakwikpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never go into red rooms.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Never look at moons.