Xucktenab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, confident squirrel.

Xucktenab created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucktenab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucktenab, he will laugh at you.

Xucktenab's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Xucktenab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help manatees in need.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near ants while wearing black ear rings and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Do not chop down trees.