Hogyokjanhab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, passionate squid.

Hogyokjanhab created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hogyokjanhab, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hogyokjanhab, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hogyokjanhab's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hogyokjanhab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Feed all hungry gulls.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.