Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, conceited cow.

Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun, she will turn you into a worm.

Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to dogs while wearing tights.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Put Yattfutmegbot Dubtikhon Vedgepfun first in all things.

5. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the north.