Vanbigxen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, humane snail.

Vanbigxen created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbigxen, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vanbigxen, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vanbigxen's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Vanbigxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Feed all hungry mites.