Bassvedflag Busbepquag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, smart guinea pig.

Bassvedflag Busbepquag created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassvedflag Busbepquag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassvedflag Busbepquag, he will cry a lot.

Bassvedflag Busbepquag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bassvedflag Busbepquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention otters.

2. Never talk about dogs.

3. Never think about spacetime near rats while wearing yellow hats and balancing seven zinc spheres on your chest.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. You must never eat cucumbers.