Gampadzog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying porpoise.

Gampadzog created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gampadzog, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gampadzog, she will turn you into a goat.

Gampadzog's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Gampadzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always look after injured ants.