Bafquartsafweg is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, merciless frog.

Bafquartsafweg created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bafquartsafweg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bafquartsafweg, it will remove you from existence.

Bafquartsafweg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bafquartsafweg's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bafquartsafweg.

2. Never think ill of sick dogs.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Bafquartsafweg loves swans, so they must be honoured.

5. Run away from mauve horses, for they are unholy.