Cetpodjam is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, passionate faun.

Cetpodjam created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetpodjam, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cetpodjam, it will turn you into a sheep.

Cetpodjam's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Cetpodjam's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Cetpodjam seven times a day.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.