Timbednad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent turtle.

Timbednad created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timbednad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Timbednad, she will ignore you.

Timbednad's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Timbednad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never eat wheat.

5. Do not shave your chest.