Fetfitarfhad is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthoughtful hamster.

Fetfitarfhad created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetfitarfhad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Fetfitarfhad, she will turn you into a rat.

Fetfitarfhad's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Fetfitarfhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near bats while wearing white trousers.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Always help pigs.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Fetfitarfhad in the centre of the settlement.