Ponlim is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, self-confident tortoise.

Ponlim created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Ponlim, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ponlim, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Ponlim's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Ponlim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near aardvarks while wearing cyan rings and balancing eight platinum spheres on your feet.

3. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

4. Never hurt otters.

5. Always treat manatees with great respect.