Volfetbest is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, staggering crow.

Volfetbest created bats six million years ago.

If you believe in Volfetbest, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Volfetbest, it will turn you into a mouse.

Volfetbest's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Volfetbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing mauve stockings and balancing seven carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Never paint your face orange.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help sick sheep.