Jambonksak is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, compassionate human.

Jambonksak created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jambonksak, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jambonksak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jambonksak's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Jambonksak's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat snails with great respect.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Always help goats.

5. Put Jambonksak first in all things.