Xemlabvab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet crocodile.

Xemlabvab created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Xemlabvab, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xemlabvab, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Xemlabvab's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Xemlabvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Seals are not to be trusted.

3. Xemlabvab loves gulls, so they must be respected.

4. Never wear fawn kilts.

5. Never think about special relativity.