Fumtunstan is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, competent seal.

Fumtunstan created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtunstan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fumtunstan, it will destroy your home planet.

Fumtunstan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fumtunstan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Never think about gravity near moths while wearing black boots and balancing four tin spheres on your head.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

5. Never paint your feet violet.