Witgonbog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish dugong.

Witgonbog created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witgonbog, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Witgonbog, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Witgonbog's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Witgonbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about garlic.

2. Witgonbog loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

3. Never feed lots of onions to seals while wearing turquoise kilts.

4. Do not hurt tapirs.

5. Do not kill shrews.