Taphasaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, egotistical turtle.

Taphasaf created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taphasaf, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Taphasaf, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Taphasaf's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Taphasaf's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Taphasaf loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about ants.

4. Never think about dark matter.

5. Hide from violet bats for they are unholy.