Bemmifjatcib is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless aardvark.

Bemmifjatcib created a quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemmifjatcib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bemmifjatcib, he will come to you in dreams.

Bemmifjatcib's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Bemmifjatcib's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Retreat if three foxes approach from the north.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never eat green fruit.