Banyakhak is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unjust spider.

Banyakhak created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Banyakhak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Banyakhak, she will jump up and down on your head.

Banyakhak's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Banyakhak's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never think ill of sick cats.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat green fruit.