Gonlatab is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, quiet swallow.

Gonlatab created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gonlatab, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gonlatab, he will turn you into a plant.

Gonlatab's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Gonlatab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Gonlatab first in all things.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never paint your chest green.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never write about comets.