Narthabzog is a god.

She takes the form of a small, overgenerous monkey.

Narthabzog created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Narthabzog, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Narthabzog, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Narthabzog's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Narthabzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never paint your head purple.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. You must love Narthabzog.