Bemfum is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, generous dugong.

Bemfum created life four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemfum, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bemfum, she will think nothing of it.

Bemfum's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Bemfum's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. You must never eat garlic.