Pandossjab is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, witless jaguar.

Pandossjab created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pandossjab, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pandossjab, she will destroy your favourite star.

Pandossjab's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Pandossjab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not dye your hair pink.

4. Never eat bark.

5. You must pray to Pandossjab four times a day.