Laptiglim is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, thoughtless swan.

Laptiglim created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Laptiglim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Laptiglim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Laptiglim's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Laptiglim's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near porpoises while wearing green trousers.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near aardvarks while wearing gray boots and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.
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