Gompancad Wegbonkham is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-confident octopus.

Gompancad Wegbonkham created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gompancad Wegbonkham, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gompancad Wegbonkham, she will turn you into a rock.

Gompancad Wegbonkham's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Gompancad Wegbonkham's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near eagles while wearing fawn scarves and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Retreat if nine birds approach from the south.

4. Do not speak about aubergines.

5. Never jump near bats.